This story's going somewhere...

"You're a warrior Beth...

But remember that sometimes, in the midst of the battle, all you have to do is stand.

Let Jesus fight for you"

Yeah, Tashie, that's from you (:

Ever feel like you're not living up to your potential? I mean REALLY not living up to it? Cause every day, I'm feeling this growing burning inside of me to be more. What that means and how that would even look, I'm not completely sure. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's all in my head, but I feel like there's so many things I've been gifted with that I, number one, don't even know about and, two, need to start using. Of course, the ability to use them is contingent on finding out what they are. You can't really use a gift if you don't know what it is. I'm trying to find help, but not actually trying. The thought sounds good and pretty in my head, but I don't go after it. I have SUCH a lack of initiative that goes beyond procrastination. It's pretty insane.

I need to get my background check. I'm pretty sure I have to get that through the courthouse because I do believe the police stations, for whatever reason, don't do them. Also, if I'm not mistaken, they cost money, which is something I do not have. I have a dad, but I feel pretty strange asking him for money no matter what it's for. I didn't even ask him to go to the store when there was essentially no food in the house. That's how dysfunctionally awkward I am about asking people for things. I guess I feel like I don't have the right to ask for help..? Where that comes from, I have no clue.

I'm freaking about trying to do this whole DTS thing. I think I'm scared, so I don't even try to get my foot in the door. I mean, I'll never know if I don't try, and failure is assured if I don't. I need to stop looking at the big picture and take it one step at a time.

I feel dysfunctional. It makes me want to laugh, though, so I guess that's sort of a good thing? O_o haha

I'd say that I'd make goals for tomorrow, but I'm pretty bad at them. I guess I'll try to try?