I love talking with them. Like with Nicole last night, we were talking about relationships/friendships and I started in on love, which is one of my favorite things to talk about. Love, in any form, is the greatest gift we're given and can give/share/do to, with and for others. I told her about the sermon Phil had given during our Purity series about loving people... How it's not about going into any kind of relationship wondering what that person can do for you, but how YOU loving them is going to affect them and what you can do to better their lives. I'm not always the best at this, but I'd say it's something that's always present in the back of my mind. How do you love someone in a way that's not asking for gain of yourself but only the best for them? Wholly, completely and selflessly. I'd like to say it's hard and I was about to type it, but I feel like that's a lie. I feel like, for me, it's so much harder to love someone selfishly than to love selflessly.
Nicole, Brit and Josh are really, as weird as it may sound, my priorities; for different reasons and in their own right. Nicole... She's starting to have faith in God and it makes me smile from the inside out. She's beginning to find comfort in herself and in friendships rather than relationships. I can just see who she is coming out. I feel like she's been hiding for a long time, but the person that's been trying to surface, the one that's at peace with herself and who she is and where she's at in her life is finally starting to show. I'm so grateful for her. My little Tookie Bookie. My knight in shining armour (: She is my best friend in every sense of the word. I can talk to her, literally, about anything and everything. She gets all of my weirdness and she just somehow understands me. I love knowing I have that in her.
Brit.. My little boo cakes. She's had so much crap happen in her life. Sometimes it's unbelievable. Last night, she kept thanking me and telling me how much I meant to her and how much she loved me and was glad I was in her life. It made me smile endlessly. I told her I loved her, that I would always be here for her and that would never change. It sounds almost rude to say she has potential, but she does. She's not, by any means, a bad person, but she has the potential to be so much more. I can tell she's dissatisfied with a lot of things. I don't know what I'm supposed to be getting her to do yet. But she's going to be okay. She called me her rock yesterday... Told me that we haven't even known each other that long, but she trusts me completely and feels like she can talk to me about everything. I don't think she has any idea how much that meant to me. She also probably doesn't know that she knows a whole lotta secrets about me and that I'm slightly more open with her than I am with my two bestests. But that's just because I'm amazingly comfortable with her. I trust her completely and I love her with my whole heart (:
Josh. I haven't even said anything else and I'm already laughing to myself and smiling. I don't really know how we got to where we are with whatever this is, but I am far from complaining. He's hilarious, actually... He thinks he's such an ass and he's constantly trying to tell me about how bad he is, but, once again, I see who he is. I don't even know how to explain him... I just see this amazing person buried beneath his hardened shell and I'm trying my best to bring it out of him. Sometimes it actually works and those are some of my favorite moments with him. Seeing him smile just because he's happy, hearing him with the kids. He could be incredible if he'd let himself. Which leads to he and I and this thing that we are. His main excuses are he's almost twenty four and he's an asshole. The first one has nothing to do with anything, it's just really his way of making more excuses for himself. The second is completely invalid because he's far from an asshole. I keep telling him I don't care who he was or where he's been, I see him. I see him below the surface. haha "Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface". God, this song is good! He's afraid he's going to hurt me. He's a broken person and he doesn't want to mess me up somehow. What he doesn't know is that neither is possible and I'm not going anywhere. I'm definitely more stubborn than he thinks (: I want him happy. That's all. Whether or not anything becomes of he and I is secondary to him not being so in pieces. Butttttttttt, I would not mind at all if anything happened (: He's so adorable it's ridiculous. I mean, honestly, what kind of bad comes from someone who tells you to keep them close to your heart and that they'll do their best to keep it from hurting? How terrible is a person who makes you smile more than you ever have in your entire life? He's insane if he thinks I'm leaving and he's even more crazy for even trying to fight me on this, because I will win. He's going to be happy if it takes everything inside of me to make him so.
Needless to say, I love these three more than words can even comprehend. I don't know what I'd do with out them and I am truly blessed for them being here.
