I'm so fully aware of God these days. Even in my worst times, I know He's there and I can feel Him. Feel Him working, feel Him fighting for me, screaming for me to listen... I think it's almost always been like that, just sometimes I decided to tune it out. Why someone, logically, would want to tune out God, I don't know. Why I tuned God out is so I wouldn't feel so guilty and convicted when I was doing things I shouldn't have been. Now, even in the midst of sin, I feel Him and hear Him. Today I got so ridiculously pissed off. Maybe it was a build up of things, maybe it was something else... Whatever it was, it made me incredibly mad. Jacob being snarky didn't help and I immediately began taking it out on him. Even sitting in my room blasting angry music, I could feel God move. I had the same song playing on repeat for about thirty minutes and just sat with God while being angry. What an incredible and unbelievable Father we have; what an amazing God we serve.
Speaking of sitting with God, Phil spoke last Wednesday about feeling God's presence on Tuesday night and how that doesn't always happen, but he realized that he wasn't the only thing alive in the room. I don't feel like it's something to brag about and that's not what I mean, but it makes me wonder... If one of the most inspirational men of God I've ever known doesn't feel God in most of the moments of his day, why do I? What's the difference?
I still don't understand what the heat in the center of my palms is about. I don't know if I'm supposed to be able to do something with it or it means something or what... It's still there, though.
The Internship starts this week... Three day retreat in Skykomish with everyone (: Sunday is our first official day. I'll be at the church from about eight forty five in the morning to seven at night. Eleven hours in my true home. It's a pretty snazzy way to spend a day if you ask me! Toddler's room during first service, going to the second service, meeting my Internship mentor at 12:45-- don't know how long that will take-- and then I'll probably grab lunch and then come back to help set up the church because at four thirty, EPIC Children's Ministry is having a western themed party and all the volunteers have to be there. Going to Katelin's after that whole day (: Pretty excited to see her.
My schedule coming up looks like this:
Tomorrow- Jacob's birthday. So, dinner with him and my dad since Jon and our mother are going to dinner themselves.
Wednesday- Saying goodbye to Jon and sending him off on this terrifying ((to me)) adventure. The Young from five to nine.
Thursday- Leave for retreat
Friday- At the amazing retreat :D I think we're going to Leavenworth this day.
Saturday- Come home. Rest and sleep.
Sunday- Everything mentioned above. Plus spending the night at Katelin's, not just hanging out (:
Monday- Come home at some point... Maybe do something with family for some random reason?
Tuesday- MY BIRTHDAY! :D Noooooooooo longer a teenager, thank you Jesus. Morning class-- Sprititual Descipleship-- with Ben Dixon from nine to eleven. Fam fam dinner. Which isn't restricted to the fam fam considering I invited Josh and Jazzie (:
Wednesday- The Young from five to nine.
Thursday- Leadership meeting with everyone from The Internship from eight to ten in the morning. First class through New Life Ministries Classes on Spiritual Formation from six to nine.
Friday- No clue :D hahaha FREE DAY!
Saturday- GAME NIGHT in celebration of my birthday at Mike and Julie's. Much fun and laughter to be had.
I'm a little stressed about the lack of a car to help me get to all of these places, but there are the busses. ALTHOUGH, I don't know if the Everett bus system runs at nine at night and if not, then I'm screwed on getting home... So I'll have to figure that out within the next week so I don't get stranded because that would be atrocious.
I can't believe Jon's going into the Navy... It's freaking me out to not know where his duty station is going to be; to know that the field he's going into is going to place him in high demand and could take him straight to the battle zones. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. We're all going to be bawling like humungous babies this Wednesday... Which is why I'm so glad I'll be at The Young that night. I know I will need it.
Since I'm doing The Internship this year, I have decided, officially, that I am going to do the mcDTS in 2010. I spoke with Anne-Mieke about it and asked when I could start turning in paperwork for it and she said I could do that now, so I'm going to. I want to get locked into it early so I have no excuses for not going. Hopefully before it's 2010 I'll have all of the forms turned in (:
God, You're so awesome. Thanks for everything You've given me and continue to do. I'm sorry I'm such a pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment