Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Drown me in love

I rode a camel today. It was a really weird experience... The hump wasn't too comfortable, but it was fun talking to the guy who was leading it around and hearing about his story with the camels-- they're his, by the way... Apparently he's from Oklahoma and he keeps camels to take around to different zoos for the summer months. It's a business he started with the son of a cattle rancher he grew up next to.

Often I'm trying to figure SOMETHING out about my future... Most of the time, it has to do with James or something of the sort. It was good to talk to Debra about everything today. We talked about relationships in general, marriages that are succeeding, marriages that have failed, her marriage, my parents, my future. One of the biggest things for me as I get older and get closer to that chapter of my life is the importance of not being unequally yolked. For Debra, she was when she got married. Her point, however, was that she didn't know you weren't supposed to be when you walked into something as monumental as your marriage; I do. She said that when we know something, when we're told something, informed of something, brought in on the story and we do the opposite, it's a disobedience problem. It's not an "Oh, I think we can make it anyways, it'll just take a lot of work" situation, it's a "I know this is what I'm NOT supposed to do and I'm just going to do it anyways". While I've heard a handful of success stories swirling in those circumstances, it is highly unlikely that this is a life experience I'm called to. For a number of reasons. Moving forward, I have no idea what this is going to mean. Well, I do as far as what I know as truth on how my marriage is called to be. I do not, obviously, know where this is going to take James as a person or us together. I guess we're back to the drawing board with it. Well, God's drawing board anyways. Maybe it's more like a felt board with little felt characters you can move around and put where you want... Either way, I have to figure out a way to give it back and let go of control. I HAVE to stop making promises I'm not %1000 sure I can keep.

Today ended with the Financial Peace University class. I've heard about this program before and I was completely disinterested and opposed to taking it. As God would have it, though, that was exactly where I landed tonight with Debra when we were running late coming back from the zoo. I've now decided to take the course. I don't have the $100 it costs for the materials, but I can sit in on the videos and participate and take my own notes, which is fine with me. I'm actually excited about it. This was only night one and the class is already beginning to transform how I think and feel about money, handling it and being RESPONSIBLE with it. This is going to be good for me. Everyone else has reading homework from the book that comes with the class resource kit... My homework, officially, is to write and send out my support letter before class next Tuesday. Amy will like that one (:

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