People wonder why when I start listing off the groups of people that are most important to me I always start with my friends... Why my family isn't number one. I live with my dad, but see my friends more. My mother has picked her boyfriend over me. Jon's an asshole who has torn me down my entire life and made me feel disgusting and completely crappy about myself. Jacob... Well, Jacob and I have gotten in the most physical fights between the three of us probably. He and I have kicked, punched, slapped, hit, choked and thrown each other down stairs. While it sounds the worst, Jacob and I are pretty chill. I love him to death. Don't get me wrong, I love Jon as well, but it's definitely not the same with him. Jon thinks he's better than everyone and acts like it. Jacob and I have more things in common and can actually sit there and talk. My family does not, typically, make me feel loved or cherished or important. I haven't done what they want me to, so there's nothing for them to be proud of me for. My parents don't know about my drinking last year... They don't know about the struggle I go through every Spring with my identity, my values and myself. They have no clue. The boys know some of it has happened, but that's it. I'm not close to my family. It's just frustrating. So, no. I don't put them first in my mind. I do hold my friends in higher regard than them. It happens.
My family makes me feel like crap. I think I already said that, but it's the truth.
So, right now I feel like shit. I made a joke with Brittany and our moods on Myspace are both "feelin sexyyy :D" Do I actually feel that way? No. Did I at the time? No. It was an inside joke and it was meant to be funny for the two of us. But Jon felt the need to message me and tell me how disgusting I am. Thanks, little brother.
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